Autism and Eye Contact: Insights and Guidance  

Children and adults with autism often struggle to maintain eye contact when communicating with others. Parents and caregivers may observe their children with autism appearing confused or anxious when eye contact does occur. In this article, Above and Beyond Therapy, experts in treating patients with autism, explore the significance of autism and eye contact and discuss whether eye contact should be encouraged in individuals with autism. 

The Significance of Eye Contact in Communication

Eye contact plays a huge role in how we communicate. It’s a key part of non-verbal communication, which is messages we send and receive without using words. We don’t always think about or realize its impact, but eye contact plays a big part in the way we express ourselves and understand the world around us. 

Here's why eye contact is so important in social interactions:

Eye Contact Shows You’re There

‍‍Locking eyes tells the person you’re communicating with that “I’m with you, I’m listening, and I care about what you’re saying.” It’s a signal that we’re tuned in, not zoning out, and it reassures the other person their words aren’t just background noise. Without eye contact, people can find it difficult to know whether we’re paying attention and might wonder if we’re distracted or not interested in what they’re saying.

Building Trust Through Eye Contact

Eye contact can help build trust between people. It can be thought of as an unspoken promise of honesty and openness, making interactions feel more personal and genuine, and helping people feel more connected to each other.

Eye Contact Helps With Reading Emotions

Eye contact is extremely useful for understanding emotions. People often communicate their feelings through their eyes, whether it's excitement, frustration, or even nervousness. By looking someone in the eye, we can get a better sense of how they’re feeling, deepening the conversation beyond what’s explicitly said. Individuals with autism who struggle with eye contact often have difficulty with reading emotions as well.

Picking up Social Cues With Eye Contact

In many social situations, eye contact helps us follow the flow of a conversation. It can show when someone is finished talking, when it’s our turn to speak, or help to highlight an important point. It’s also a way of showing respect; avoiding eye contact can sometimes come off as rude or as a sign of disinterest. For individuals with autism, social cues are often a struggle. When trouble with eye contact presents with autism, this difficulty may be magnified.

All this being said, it’s important to remember that the meaning of eye contact can vary depending on the culture. In some cultures, it’s considered respectful to make eye contact, while in others, it’s seen as rude or confrontational. So, the way eye contact is used in communication can depend a lot on where you are and who you're talking to.

Why Do People With Autism Avoid Eye Contact?

People with autism often avoid eye contact because it can cause sensory overload or emotional discomfort. Brain imaging studies show that eye contact activates hyperarousal in brain areas related to emotion and social processing. Avoiding eye contact helps reduce anxiety and manage overwhelming social stimuli.  Here are some reasons why autistic people may struggle with eye contact. 

Neurological Differences

A lack of eye contact in individuals with autism is sometimes due to neurological differences. For people with autism, the brain processes social moments a bit differently. Usually, when we look someone in the eye, our brain acts as a decoder, figuring out how the other person is feeling and what their facial expressions are communicating. For someone with autism, that decoding part doesn’t always kick in the same way. So, when they look at a face, it’s tougher to tell if the person’s happy, sad, angry, or something else. They’re left struggling to figure out two separate puzzles at once: What’s this person trying to tell me with their face? (the intent), And what are they feeling? (the emotion). The struggle to work this out can make eye contact feel like a mental overload. 

Sensory Sensitivities

Many people with autism are extra sensitive to sensory input, so they can get swamped by details that others might not even notice. With eye contact, it’s not just the act of looking into another person’s eyes, it’s the whole sensory experience. The brain is taking in the gaze while also handling the sensation of being stared at. For someone with this sensitivity, it’s like bright lights or loud sounds hitting all at once, and it’s too much to handle. That’s why eye contact can feel intense or uneasy for them because it involves processing a lot of sensory details at once. In fact, for some individuals with autism, eye contact is painful.

Social Anxiety and Stress

In most conversations, people expect eye contact as a way to show that we’re engaged, but this can trigger anxiety for individuals with autism. The stress of trying to make and keep eye contact can make it harder to focus on the actual conversation, which can feel overwhelming or make them worry about being judged. As a result, some people with autism might avoid eye contact altogether as a way to get out of facing this anxiety. 

Signs That Those With Autism Are Uncomfortable with Eye Contact

If an autistic person is uncomfortable with eye contact, you might notice them looking away frequently or avoiding direct eye contact altogether. They might also start fidgeting, like tapping their fingers, shifting their gaze, or playing with objects in their hands. Some might look down or to the side, and others may even cover their face or look up at the ceiling to distract themselves. It’s all about trying to avoid the intensity or pressure that eye contact can bring. Everyone’s different, so some might show these signs more obviously than others, but generally, if someone is feeling uneasy, they’ll try to divert their attention elsewhere.

Should Eye Contact Be Encouraged in Autistic Individuals?

For individuals with autism, eye contact is regularly a challenge. Though early intervention for autism is encouraged, the question of whether eye contact should be encouraged in autistic individuals is a bit of a debate, with arguments for and against on each side. Here’s a look at both sides of the conversation:

The Case for Encouraging Eye Contact:

• Social Norms: In Western culture, eye contact is seen as a sign of respect and attentiveness; it’s a signal you’re paying attention and are engaged in the conversation. Since it’s considered a social norm, many people think it’s worth upholding and encouraging. 
• Potential for Better Communication: Some argue that encouraging eye contact could help autistic individuals connect better with others. It might help them navigate social situations where eye contact is expected, and over time, it could improve social skills.
• Life Skill: Many see eye contact as an important life skill. While it’s not a must for kids, it often becomes key in adulthood, especially in the workplace. Eye contact can help with interviews, meetings, and professional interactions. Encouraging it early on can help better prepare autistic children for adulthood.

The Drawbacks of Insisting on Eye Contact:

• Discomfort and Stress: For many autistic individuals, holding eye contact feels overwhelming or uneasy. Pushing them to maintain eye contact can heighten stress, spark anxiety, or even make them avoid social interactions altogether and become more withdrawn.
• Respect for Comfort Zones: Communication isn’t just about following unwritten rules and societal norms; it’s also about respecting other people’s differences and making sure everyone feels comfortable. One could argue that the responsibility shouldn’t fall on autistic individuals to conform and adapt to those around them. Instead, it’s on those around them to adjust and respect their needs.
• Focus on the Message, Not the Gaze: Sometimes, insisting on eye contact can distract an autistic individual from the actual conversation. They may have to put in so much effort to maintain eye contact that they’re not able to listen attentively to what’s being said. So, while promoting eye contact is intended to improve social interaction, it could have the opposite effect and make it harder for them to engage in the conversation.
• Risks of Enforcing It for Children: For autistic children, insisting on eye contact can be especially harmful. When parents or teachers push it, the child may feel pressured to perform something distressing, which can dent their self-esteem. They might start to feel their natural way of connecting isn’t “right.” Plus, it can ramp up anxiety, turning social moments into stressful ordeals that make them freeze or pull back. 

Strategies for Facilitating Comfortable Eye Contact

Helping autistic individuals become comfortable with eye contact can take time, but the right approach can make it easier for them and those around them. Here are some practical tips for parents and educators to help encourage eye contact:

• Start Small: If eye contact feels overwhelming for a child with autism, they can begin by making eye contact for just a second or two. As this is so brief, they are less likely to find it intense. Once they feel comfortable with this short eye contact, they can gradually increase the amount of time.
• Practice in a Safe Space: It’s helpful to choose a calm and familiar setting for practicing eye contact, like at home, where the child feels comfortable. This kind of environment keeps things predictable and non-stressful. Practicing in an unfamiliar setting could add to their discomfort and make the process harder.
• Use Positive Reinforcement: When a child makes eye contact, positive reinforcement, such as praise or a small reward, can build confidence and reinforce the behavior. Make sure to focus on the effort the child put in rather than the outcome. Even if the eye contact wasn’t perfect, reward their progress.
• Role-Playing Games: Try simple games that build eye contact, like taking turns copying each other’s movements, like waving or nodding, where you glance at each other to see what to mimic next.

It’s important to bear in mind that besides making eye contact, there are many other ways to show attentiveness, such as nodding, using body language, or giving verbal cues. These alternatives might be more comfortable for autistic individuals and can still signal that they are engaged in the conversation and actively listening.

Embracing Individuality and Understanding Differences 

Eye contact is a powerful thread in the fabric of human connection, weaving together trust, emotion, and understanding in ways we often take for granted. Yet, for individuals with autism, this thread can feel more like a tangle, challenging to unravel and sometimes overwhelming to face.

Recognizing and respecting these differences opens the door to more inclusive communication. It’s not about making everyone conform to a single standard, but honoring the unique ways people experience and navigate the world. This means valuing diverse forms of communication, such as active listening, verbal cues, and other non-verbal signals, as equally valid expressions of engagement. By prioritizing understanding and adaptability, we can create a world where autistic individuals feel not only accepted but also empowered to communicate in a way that feels natural to them. 

Supporting a Child with Autism and No Eye Contact

At Above and Beyond Therapy, we have extensive experience in working with children with autism. We understand and recognize that different people feel comfortable with different forms of communication and work with that recognition in our therapy. If you’re supporting a child who is struggling with autism and eye contact, we’re here to help. Reach out to Above and Beyond Therapy to learn more.